Sometimes you lose the very thing you were hoping to find. It is in those moments that you feel your heart-break into a million pieces. It is even more painful to watch someone you love scrambling to put those pieces back together. It has been a little over a year since my husband lost his mother. Ever since, he has held onto the hope that he and his brothers could forge a bond that had previously been separated by miles and miles of road.
Determined to make the first step at building this bond, he traded his east coast lifestyle for southwestern flair. It was reminiscent of the old western movies that talk about the new frontier. People would risk their lives for the hope of building an uncertain future. Some were after gold and others were after the peace and tranquility of frontier life and their own piece of land. He wanted so badly to discover in his brother a family bond that would carry on the legacy of his mom.
But sometimes you lose the very thing you were hoping to find.
Just like for some of those old western settlers, a harsh reality greeted him. The visions they had of fertile land and mountains of gold were often replaced with harsh dry earth, famine and disease. In his pursuit of family he was left broken and more alone than he had ever felt. Everything he believed about the integrity, character, and loyalty of his brother turned out to be an exaggerated version of a deeply rooted lie.
I am sure he questioned himself, even when he would tell me that the only family he needed was me and our son. I am sure he was ashamed of having the dream, making the pursuit, and believing the lie.
I want him to know that the most important part of his mission was the pursuit. Only by making the decision to seek what you want will you be able to figure out whether you ever really needed it, or even wanted it at all. I love him for the pursuit. I love that he was willing to take the risk, because sometimes you lose the very thing you were hoping to find.
But sometimes, like this time, you don’t. You find something even better. In his pursuit of family, he learned that he had already created his very own.